Denial to Acceptance: A Parental Process of Adoption of a Special Child.. By Dr Nadeem Ghayas
January 4, 2025
The denial to acceptance phase is a very deep emotional process of parents whose children have special needs. When the family is given a diagnosis like autism spectrum disorder, cerebral palsy, intellectual disability, or any other developmental disorder, then their future expectations would be withdrawn. Parents go through a complicated set of emotions which slowly turn into interpretation, endurance, and tolerance. It is necessary to gain knowledge about the emotional experience of parents who raise a special needs child to foster family well being, early intervention, and inclusive development.
Knowledge of the Emotional Process of Parents.
When a child is born then it is usually linked with hope, dreams and expectations. The milestones that parents envision include a first smile, first words, school performance, and independence. When a child has been diagnosed with a developmental disability or special need, the expectations can however be derailed. Parents tend to experience emotional pressure in attempts to cope with the diagnosis and its meaning.
The studies in developmental psychology indicate that parents of children with disability undergo stages of emotional grief similar to the grief process identified by Kubler Ross and these stages include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance identified by Kubler Ross and Kessler, 2005. These phases are not used in a rigid order and the parents can switch between them in the long run.
Research by the National Institute of Mental Health has shown that parental adjustment is a determinant with respect to the developmental outcome of children with disabilities NIMH, 2022. The better the information, counseling and community support received by the families, the higher the chances of coming up with positive coping mechanisms and acceptance of the unique abilities of the child.
The Denial Phase of the Confrontation of the unexpected.
Psychological Denial Meaning.
The reaction to the unexpected medical or developmental news about a child is often denial, which is the initial emotional reaction of parents. Denial carries with it the psychological defense mechanism that shields people against the excessive emotional distress.
The parents at this age might wonder whether the diagnosis is accurate or whether they should consult with several doctors hoping that they will offer another diagnosis. The general thinking at this stage incorporates remarks like the doctors are wrong or my child will come out of these troubles.
Johnson 2008 outlines that denial gives the parents ample time to digest complex information. It removes the possibility of being overwhelmed with emotions and allows parents to have the time to prepare psychologically about the reality they are experiencing.
Even though the denial is a normal coping mechanism, the long term denial could delay the early intervention services, which the child needs. There is a strong association between early diagnosis and support and better outcomes among the children with developmental disabilities CDC, 2023.
Denial Influences by Social Factors.
Denial can also be increased by social stigma of disability. Parents in most cultures might feel threatened of being judged, misunderstood or even discriminated by the society at large. The fear may cause families to conceal the diagnosis or not talk out the child condition freely.
According to research published in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, disability-related stigma may augment parental stress and postpone help-seeking behavior in regards to delaying help seeking Gray, 2002. These barriers can be minimized by raising awareness and spreading the acceptance within communities.
There is no significant difference between the Guilt and Anger Emotional Turmoil between the two groups (H2).
Parental Guilt.
When the parents start to accept the diagnosis, the feelings of guilt frequently appear. When parents wonder if they did something during pregnancy or the early childhood that may have led to the condition, they may ask themselves a question. Such thoughts as Did I cause this, Could I have prevented it are typical.
Scientists have found out that the vast majority of developmental disabilities are genetic, neurological, or environmental in nature and they are beyond the control of parents World Health Organization, 2023. These reasons can be understood to lessen the unwarranted guilt.
Fisher 2015 also notes that guilt is a natural feeling and it ought to be dealt with by way of counseling, education and peer support. The developmental conditions are biological and parents who learn about such a biological nature tend to be relieved and have more acceptance.
Emotional Response of Anger.
This stage may also result in anger. Parents can be angry with healthcare providers, school systems or even with themselves. In some cases, anger serves as the manifestation of the frustrations with the problems that their child can encounter in society.
The family psychology research specifies that proper expression of emotions is vital in coping and adjustment. Anger suppression can result in emotional distress and conflict in the family in the long run Walsh, 2016.
These feelings can be worked through in support groups and counseling services, which will enable parents to devise healthy coping mechanisms.
Negotiating Searching of Solutions.
The Will to be back in power.
At the bargaining level, parents will find options of either altering or ameliorating the situation. They can interview various medical therapies, treatments, or education programs. This phase is indicative of a great need to gain some control over the uncertain situation.
Parents can spend a lot of time and money to find different interventions that can be improved. Though hope is a good motivational factor, specialists suggest paying attention to the use of evidence based interventions.
Evidence Based Interventions.
Research-based educational and therapeutic programs have shown good results to children with developmental disabilities. Support with speech therapy, occupational therapy, behavioral therapy and special education are some of the most common early intervention programs that health organizations recommend.
Centers of Disease Control and Prevention stress that early intervention services are highly beneficial to the developmental outcomes and adaptive skills of children with disabilities CDC, 2023.
Special education professionals mind parents to concentrate on helping the child build on the strengths instead of trying to remove all the issues.
Depression and Emotional Adjustment.
Parental Emotional Impact.
Following the early emotional responses, most of the parents feel sad or depressed as they settle down to the reality of having a child with special needs in the long term. Parents can have concerns on the future of their child, social acceptance, and independence.
It has been found that parents of children with disabilities are more stressed than those who have children with normal development Hayes and Watson, 2013. Nevertheless, resilience tends to emerge with adaptation and creation of supportive networks in the family.
Significance of Mental Health Support.
Mental health assistance is important in assisting the family to deal with emotional pressure. Psychologists and counselors offer stress management, emotional control and problem solving strategies.
Parental well being and family functioning have been reported to be improved with the help of family therapy, mindfulness practices, and stress reduction programs Walsh, 2016.
Acceptance The Child Special Identity.
Redefining Expectations
Acceptance does not imply that difficulties are eliminated. Rather, it reflects a change of attitude in which parents start valuing the child uniqueness and rejoicing the child advancement.
Parents who attain this level usually complain of a redefined meaning in their lives. They turn into activists in favor of their child education, health care and social inclusion.
Temple Grandin, a world-known autism awareness activist, points out that differently developed children should be appreciated due to their strong points and different points of view Grandin, 2011.
Construction of a Good Family atmosphere.
Acceptance helps families to provide favorable conditions that do not emphasize on constraints but growth. Parents start to realize that success may be of various forms and all the achievements should be celebrated.
Positive parenting styles are being implemented to ensure children can be confident, independent, and resilient.
Approaches to create Acceptance.
Education and Awareness
The most effective weapon of parents is the learning about child condition. It is possible to educate parents about developmental needs and interventions available through educational materials, workshops, and consultations with specialists.
Knowledge will enable parents to make informed choices about therapy, education and support services.
Building a Support Network
The discussion with other families going through the same experience is also a source of emotional support and practical advice. Support groups enable parents to exchange strategies, challenges and success.
The resources that are given to families that have children with disabilities are offered by organizations like the World Health Organization and the National Institute of Mental Health.
Celebrating Progress
Efforts to concentrate on development instead of constraints contribute to the change in family thinking of hope and optimism. Even minor achievements should be celebrated to support the positive process and enhance the relationship between a parent and a child.
Practicing Self Care
It is also essential that parents take care of their physical and emotional needs. The parents can be resilient with the help of regular exercise, relaxation methods, counseling, and certain personal hobbies.
Studies indicate that the emotional growth of children directly depends on the well being of the parents Walsh, 2016.
Co-operation with Professionals.
The collaboration with therapists, teachers, and healthcare professionals would make sure that children are provided with a full-scale support. The developmental, educational and emotional needs are effectively met with the assistance of collaborative care plans.
Bigger Impact of Acceptance.
Family acceptance may also have an impact on societal views of disability. By defending their children and enhancing inclusion, parents break the stereotypes and foster more comprehension.
The situation with disability is slowly changing in the society through inclusive education systems and community awareness programs. UNESCO states that inclusive education is beneficial in that it helps students develop empathy, diversity, and cooperation UNESCO, 2020.
Accepting families make good agents of social change, and they can contribute to more friendly schools, policies and integrated communities.
Conclusion
The process of denial to acceptance is a very individual and restructuring process to the parents of children with special needs. Starting with shock and uncertainty, parents slowly experience a process of denial, guilt, anger and bargaining before their acceptance.
Acceptance helps families to move beyond limitations and possibilities. Parents can provide their children with good environments by educating them, helping them emotionally, professionally, and communally so that their children can flourish.
Finally, the process of adopting a special child does not mean giving up but it means redefining hope. This understanding of the importance of diversity and the distinct strengths of each child allows the families to make the society more humane and inclusive.
References
CDC Centers. 2023. Services of developmental disabilities and early intervention. Last accessed on 20th July, 2016.
Fisher, S. R. 2015. Parenting special needs children: the emotional experience. Chicago, IL: Compassionate Parenting Books.
Grandin, T. 2011. Different not less. Dallas, TX: Future Horizons.
Gray, D. E. 2002. Ten years follow-up: A longitudinal cohort study of autistic children families. J Autism and Developmental Disorders, 32, 215 to 222.
Hayes, S. A., and Watson, S. L. 2013. The effect of parenting stress: a meta analysis of the studies on parents of children with and without autism spectrum disorder. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 43, 629 to 642.
Johnson, N. E. 2008. Shock and denial: Special needs children parents. New York, NY: Special Needs Press.
Kubler Ross, E., and Kessler, D. 2005. On grief and grieving. New York, NY: Scribner.
National Institute of Mental Health. 2022. Autism spectrum disorder. Accessed on 12th July, 2012.
UNESCO. 2020. Education monitoring report: Global education. Paris: UNESCO.
Walsh, F. 2016. Enhancing family strength. New York, NY: Guilford Press.
World Health Organization. 2023. Developmental disabilities. Accessed through the URL:https://www.who.int.